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Destructive Emotions #3 Stop Worrying Matthew 6:25-34 This is the third message is our series on Destructive Emotions, and today I want to talk to you about how to stop worrying and start winning. DESTRUCTIVE EMOTIONS documents an extraordinary dialogue between the Dalai Lama and a group of two neuroscientists, three psychologists, two Buddhist monks, a philosopher and two Tibetan translators, drawn together from the United States, France, Thailand, Canada and Nepal to explore how destructive emotions, namely hatred, craving,.

by Daniel Goleman First published February 29th 2000

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*Why do seemingly rational, intelligent people commit acts of cruelty and violence?
*What are the root causes of destructive behavior?
*How can we control the emotions that drive these impulses?
*Can we learn to live at peace with ourselves and others?
Imagine sitting with the Dalai Lama in his private meeting room with a small group of world-class scientists and philosophers...more
Published March 30th 2004 by Bantam (first published February 29th 2000)
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I'm an atheist, but I find Buddhism to be a compelling religion. I admire the Dalai Lama (duh), but what is truly stunning is his scientific curiosity. Never before have a I heard a religious leader say that if scientific evidence contradicts the dogma of a religion, that religion *must change* to accommodate this new data - that's exactly what the Dalai Lama states in this book. Read it!
This is not an easy read. This is not the kind of material that I breezed through and I've found that while the rational and logical aspects kept me rooted, some realizations along the way were pretty painful. I read this with a journal next to me. And I'm not finished reading it yet. The book offers a lot of self-reflection and one of the most poignant takeaways I received from this is how the Dalai Lama had to take a break during one seminar when he learned that Westerners hated themselves. He..more
May 15, 2012Michael Vagnetti rated it it was amazing
It's unfortunate that this book is titled what it is. It's really a book of comparative psychology/philosophy of mind: Western vs. Buddhist. It explores in detail the complex Buddhist concept of emotions/afflictions, and how Western language and philosophy have framed ideas of compassion, mind, and ethics in contrasting ways. A practical bridge between the mythical elusiveness of concepts like nirvana and samsara and the way that the brain actually handles emotions across cultures. The scientist..more
The structure of the book took some getting used to with its propensity for 'dialogues'. But the book holds many gems. One of my favorites takes place when the Dalai Lama is asked how we're supposed to have compassion for others.
This is paraphrased:
He said the greatest example of compassion is the compassion a mother has for her child. If we can take that type of compassion and focus it on all we come in contact with. That is compassion. That is love.
The book was written as the proceedings of the eighth Mind and Life meeting, having as the main topic destructive emotions. The biographies of the participants are as interesting as the topic of the discussion. In order to better portrait the participants, The author also gives some short information about their lives and what motivates them in their research. We are told about the Dalai Lama’s childhood and his interest in science from a young age. Another nice example is Jeanne Tsai, who was b..more
A great primer for anyone who wants to get some knowledge on neuroscience. Additionally one would appreciate how the author explains on length different sections of the brains anatomy ,for many of the uninitiated it would be their first time coming across terms such as as Amygdala, Hippocampus , Frontal Lobes et al.
Going beyond just explaining brain anatomy , Daniel Goldman illustrates how all of these parts have a great bearing on our personalities and behavior.The book breaks through the Freu..more
Unfortunately, Daniel Goleman rather gets in the way of the 'dialogue” to which the title refers. He seems much more intent on creating a Dalai Lama hagiography than presenting the reader with a pellucid transcript of the proceedings of what, to be fair, does seem to have been an amazing colloquium. Notwithstanding the annoying smarminess of Goleman, the book has its moments. In particular I found discussions in which neuroscience research findings were described and related to Tibetan Buddhism..more
This book was perspective-changing for me. I came across this book when I was in a state of hurt and uncertainty. The combination of Western science and Eastern philosophy, and how to apply both to our lives, was incredibly engaging. If more people read this book, I think a lot of lives would be changed.
Aug 02, 2018Kat, lover of bears.. rated it liked it · review of another edition
The title of the book says it all, 'A Scientific Dialog..' I should have realized that it would read like a 'presentation' and not like the casual but informative 'Book of Joy'.
It was good and I enjoyed the information, but it was just a tad too 'scientific' for me.
Jul 02, 2012Carlos added it · review of another edition
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

What Are Destructive Emotions

I *loved* how this potted summary of the conference afforded the narrative a relaxed feel.
It was so much fun hearing the way each of these luminaries would interject with their two cents when the conversation would turn to points of cultural difference.
The extended treatment of the three poisons and their twenty derivatives was the best I've come across.
Just so many subtle moments in this book where he smallest of distinctions opened whole new possibilities for how I conceive of the role emot..more
Mar 21, 2008Christi rated it really liked it
Fascinating! While it was a long read (because I kept re-reading), it was worth every minute. This book is the account of the eighth Mind and Life meeting, held March of 2000 in Dharamsala, India.
While reading, I actually felt as if I were sitting amongst the renowned scientist, monks and philosophers. This conference combines ancient Buddhist wisdom and breakthroughs in a variety of fields of scientific study (neuroscience to child development). The relevant discoveries illustrate how we can r..more
Jan 18, 2009Elizabeth rated it it was amazing
This record of conversations between the Dalai Lama, Buddhist scholars and American & European psychologists and neuroscientists was absolutely delightful. There were big, complicated ideas discussed, but explained! This book gave me a lot to think about, (like the idea that anger isn't necessarily something innate we can't get rid of). Hmmmmm.
Everything I love, spirituality, psychology, neurology.
The book is largely a transcript of a multi-day meeting between Buddhists and brain scientists, and one of the big topics in the book is how to teach children 'emotional and social intelligence'; that includes things like recognizing and coping with your own negative emotions, learning to recognize emotions in others, and learning to calm down and not react violently in response to negative emotions that arise. I was really impressed that he and the brain scientists agreed that it was necessary..more
Feb 27, 2019Manan Younas rated it it was amazing · review of another edition
Sheer brilliance
The book is a dialogue to analyse what constitute destructive Emotions. What triggers any emotions at all. And if there's a way to better understand and control destructive Emotions. Its a dialogue between bhuddist school of thought ( in a secular way) and western school of thought ( mostly neurology).
Dalai lama ( and other bhuddists) understanding of emotions is surprisingly simple and powerful.
Western psychology ( broad generalisation) focuses too little on generating awarenes..more
Nov 26, 2018Leila Dedovic rated it really liked it
The book is great!
I especially liked the part about neuroscience, which explains how the brain reacts to certain emotions.
I would also point out the part about the education of children with the exercises for understanding and overcoming negative emotions, which certainly improves their quality of life. I would like this part to be read as much as possible by teachers, pedagogues, parents and others who cooperate with little children. It can potentially improve the whole world.
I liked the clo..more
Having attended a speaking event with the Dalai Lama in college and taking up the practice of mindful meditation a few years ago, this book's description intrigued me. I listened to the full unabridged reading of this and found the topics discussed interesting even though it did read almost as a transcript or a textbook of neuroscience, biology, and philosophy. (Seriously..sometimes you have to push through in places). Perhaps the abridged version would be better? Don't know.
The Mind and Life..more
I enjoy any article or book connected to His Holiness the Dalai Lama so it was inevitable that I would eventually read this book. The format of the book was a little difficult to track at times as the author was the recorder and mediator over a week long conference which included the Dalai Lama and various psychologists, monks and professors. The book was thought provoking but lacked a continuity that I could not explain. It could be from the observer point of view that it took or in that the pu..more
Jun 02, 2019Sushma Suresh Babu rated it it was amazing
Highly informative. It's really really cool that the Dalai Lama concerns himself with keeping Buddhism abreast with scientific findings. His insight into the psychology of the brain is remarkable.
Through the book Buddhist and English vocabulary for describing mental states/emotions are discussed which clearly draws out how much of an impact the vocabulary you familiarize yourself with can have on a society's emotional literacy and temperament.
My only misgiving with this book is the perceptible..more
It's always good to hear that the human race is capable of bettering itself in these depressing times. Even better if this hope is supported by hard science and fuelled by buzzwords like neuroplasticity and mindfulness. My question is then what has happened in the near twenty years since this meeting was convened? It does not feel like we have entered a new world of positive psychology and grounded optimism. Perhaps the polarisation of Western culture is just a symptom of the scale of this strug..more
Aug 15, 2017Five-Toed Sloth Bear rated it it was amazing · review of another edition
A little background on me: At a time when adversity led to anger that was destroying my physical and mental health (those that know me can easily locate that abyss in time), I found the book Destructive Emotions by the Dalai Lama and Daniel Goleman. It brought together the more philosophical side of Buddhism (which could be considered one of the world's oldest and most effective psychologies) with Western psychology. It really brought me out of the nosedive and led to the journey of reading that..more

Destructive Emotions Daniel Goleman Pdf

I really appreciated the melding of minds between neuroscientists and Buddhist monks. It helps you rethink and delve deeper into basic human interactions and feelings. Also makes you think about how you can apply the findings of the meeting that was discussed in this book to your personal life. I am also glad to know that many more fruitful discussions were carried on after this event and I am curious to know more about them. Hopefully one day that day will come when we can all be Masters of our..more
Jul 27, 2018Jayana rated it liked it
I took a really long time to read this book. I tried to glean as much as possible but for some reason I did not like it as much as I thought I would. It is the snapshot of what happens at a popular seminar so maybe it was not my style. I was strongly tempted to DNF it a lot of times, but I powered through. I I really like the authors other works, so I wont give up on him as yet.
Or maybe I was just in a reading slump or just depressed and did not enjoy the book as much as I should have.
This read is like putting an ear to the door of many scholared people having intimate discussions about their specialties. The marrying of eastern and western perspectives is valuable, informative, and much needed. Though the publication date of this book predates many of the current findings on the power of meditation and mindfulness in countering some the negative states of mind, it gives rise to an understanding of where and why some of that research started.
Hard to explain the 3 stars since this is totally up my alley in terms of topic and information presented. I just didn’t care for the “book about a seminar” aspect. I would have rather seen the conversations as they occurred or have a book primarily about the conclusions reached, versus this retelling of a weekend full of discussions and lectures.
Interesting book on destructive emotions, their source, and what to do with them. As seen from a scientific and a buddhistic perspective. Although quite puristic at times, when the dialogue goes on about heuristic aspects of certain words and the difference in meaning in both English and Tibetan.
Listened to this book: somewhat disappointed that the majority of the interchange was the westerners presenting thoughts/theories/scientific facts, and the DL would smile and say 'yes, yes'. I was looking for some tactics/techniques to deal with the book title topic.
Oct 29, 2016Steven Day rated it liked it · review of another edition
The 3rd of these books I've read and it had some really interesting points but there was no real conclusion other than read the books by the others involved in the discussion! Kept my attention but heavier going than the other books.
Jun 21, 2018Sneha Diwakar rated it really liked it
Great insights from various thought leaders. Opened my mind to various different perspectives on emotions.
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Author of Emotional Intelligence and psychologist Daniel Goleman has transformed the way the world educates children, relates to family and friends, and conducts business. The Wall Street Journal ranked him one of the 10 most influential business thinkers.
Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence was on The New York Times best sellers list for a year-and-a-half. Named one of the 25 'Most Influential Busin..more
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“The Extraordinary Persons Project In fact, Ekman had been so moved personally—and intrigued scientifically—by his experiments with Öser that he announced at the meeting he was planning on pursuing a systematic program of research studies with others as unusual as Öser. The single criterion for selecting apt subjects was that they be “extraordinary.” This announcement was, for modern psychology, an extraordinary moment in itself. Psychology has almost entirely dwelt on the problematic, the abnormal, and the ordinary in its focus. Very rarely have psychologists—particularly ones as eminent as Paul Ekman—shifted their scientific lens to focus on people who were in some sense (other than intellectually) far above normal. And yet Ekman now was proposing to study people who excel in a range of admirable human qualities. His announcement makes one wonder why psychology hasn't done this before. In fact, only in very recent years has psychology explicitly begun a program to study the positive in human nature. Sparked by Martin Seligman, a psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania long famous for his research on optimism, a budding movement has finally begun in what is being called “positive psychology”—the scientific study of well-being and positive human qualities. But even within positive psychology, Ekman's proposed research would stretch science's vision of human goodness by assaying the limits of human positivity Ever the scientist, Ekman became quite specific about what was meant by “extraordinary.” For one, he expects that such people exist in every culture and religious tradition, perhaps most often as contemplatives. But no matter what religion they practice, they share four qualities. The first is that they emanate a sense of goodness, a palpable quality of being that others notice and agree on. This goodness goes beyond some fuzzy, warm aura and reflects with integrity the true person. On this count Ekman proposed a test to weed out charlatans: In extraordinary people “there is a transparency between their personal and public life, unlike many charismatics, who have wonderful public lives and rather deplorable personal ones.” A second quality: selflessness. Such extraordinary people are inspiring in their lack of concern about status, fame, or ego. They are totally unconcerned with whether their position or importance is recognized. Such a lack of egoism, Ekman added, “from the psychological viewpoint, is remarkable.” Third is a compelling personal presence that others find nourishing. “People want to be around them because it feels good—though they can't explain why,” said Ekman. Indeed, the Dalai Lama himself offers an obvious example (though Ekman did not say so to him); the standard Tibetan title is not “Dalai Lama” but rather “Kundun,” which in Tibetan means “presence.” Finally, such extraordinary individuals have “amazing powers of attentiveness and concentration.” — 0 likes
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